Psychology 101: Old guy blabber.
Topic: Age
Psychology 101: Old guy compares life after retirement to childhood. As Lucy said in Peanuts, the doctor is in. This diagnosis bears about as much credibility as Lucy's, but her diagnosis cost a nickel as I recall, and at least this one is free.

In life, hopefully we are granted a long span of years. I am sixty-seven now, and in reasonably good health, so unless, unbeknownst to me, some nasty disease has my name on it I may be able to count on maybe another fifteen years or until my eighties. That is if heredity counts, as my parents both made it into their eighties. So with the fall weather approaching, and melancholia blowing in the air along with the leaves, I have become philosophical about it all, life up to now that is.

I have come up with this conclusion. It occurs to me that childhood up until middle teens, and old age, after retirement, is linked in this one marvelous way. Parallel frames of mind it seems to me existed within me fifty some years ago, and now in the next century. I feel a connection with that boy's feelings then as I do with the old guy he has become.

The childhood we are comparing was one of those normal, not too traumatic regular kind of childhood that most of us were lucky enough to have been granted; and an equal length of years in retirement, I will explain.

As I recall, and I will presume to speak for all of us, it's my ink; my childhood while not idyllic was certainly close enough to what I think idyllic means. My parents came out of the depression so money was not plentiful, but there must have been enough or my parents hid their distress from me very well. My frame of mind then, as best I can recall was one of contentment with no thoughts of having to make decisions, living in the moment, for the moment. I didn't know what was around the next corner, and was content enough living in the world as it was presented to me, either the real world or the world my parents made for me, either way I was happy.

This parallels exactly the feelings I have had from retirement to the present day. I am content, happy, worry free, and angst free. I again refuse to look too far around that corner. I am not an idiot, I know around that corner that I am not yet ready to consider is aging and all it's possible horrendous possibilities. Those possibilities, of course are illness in its many insidious forms and of course, since we have not figured out anyway of dodging it, death.

But being an adult and having a reasonably usable brain I have developed a private faith that even then I will enter another parallel existence of contentment and happiness.

What does this prove? Not a thing. But as thoughts fly in and out of our brains, this one stayed a moment too long and I put it on paper so you too can wonder..is he really sane?

Observations of an old guy. Part one.
Topic: Observations of a old guy
I miss taking long walks with Hazel because as they say, 'the wheels are the first to go'. Yep, they're right.

If youth but knew; if age but could.
- - - - Henri Estienne

Topic: Art
I appreciate art, mostly american art. I suppose that's because I can understand most of what I see and can relate to it in one way or another. But the one form of art, american or otherwise, that I cannot understand is abstract or modern art, epitomized in this painting by Jackson Pollock.

I selected Pollock because I know he used the 'paint bucket' school of painting for a period in his career. That is putting a huge canvas on the floor and mixing his paint in buckets and by pouring, throwing, drizzling, the paint on the canvas created some of his most famous works. I do appreciate the colors, the mixing and matching and designs, not unlike wallpaper or tile for walls, but I cringe when I hear intelligent people wax elequently about the meaning of it. Please, come on, what meaning can there be in a drop cloth?

"Jackson Pollock Quotes"

+ It's all a big game of construction, some with a brush, some with a shovel, some choose a pen.
+ The method of painting is the natural growth out of a need. I want to express my feelings rather than illustrate them.
+ On the floor I am more at ease. I feel nearer, more a part of the painting, since this way I can walk around it, work from the four sides and literally be in the painting.
+ The painting has a life of its own.
+ Every good painter paints what he is.

The painting shown is by Jackson Pollock and is called CONVERGENCE.

Nader
Topic: Politics
For those of you who are following the presidential election, and how could you not. We would have to live under a bushel basket until November to stay unaware. I have many faults I can find with both the major candidates, President Bush and John Kerry as any of us could, but the one I can't figure out is the third candidate Ralph Nader. It is every persons right to run for president of this country if they are over 35 and can utter two syllables coherently and we have had some who almost didn't qualify. Harold Stassen of by-gone days ran in nine presidential elections from 1948-1992. More recently we had a very successful business man, Ross Perot, who thought he would change our tax system and we would be so glad we would elect him president, to no avail. But you have to scratch your head and wonder what motivates these guys to spend so much money and time in a quest that will lead no where. Whatever your political persuasion you have to believe that Nader's run will skew the results one way or another. After the last election and all the bumbling that went on in Florida and the Supreme Court jumping in, I pray that whomever wins this time will be the clear cut choice of the American people. To help that happen it is my belief that Mr. Nader should quit his run and get on with his life down other avenues, write a book, expose another automobile for it's lousy design, but get out of the election. I cannot fathom his reasoning to run. He knows, the whole world knows, that he has as much chance of succeeding as the cost of living going down to what it was pre-world war II, of finding the holy grail, of achieving world peace, or getting Rush Limbaugh to say something positive about a Democrat. What on earth is his motivation? Whatever, get real, give it up.

Literature and the electronic age
Topic: Books and Electronics
Back in the old days, don't you love it when an article starts out that way, when I decided to read a book, it meant I would pick up the book hardcover or paperback and have at it. No more. I have become a victim, or scratch that, a devotee of the electronic age. I love the computer and all it's multitude of little electronic whelps it has spawned. But back to my dilemma, I currently am reading three books, not simultaneously, that would be impossible I think, but each will get it's share of my time each day. I am reading a paperback of William Saroyans, 'THE HUMAN COMEDY", a novel that follows the goings-on of a family in Ithaca, California during World War II. I am also listening to EMPIRE FALLS, BY Richard Russo, on tape, usually at night before I fall asleep, and lastly I am listening to THINK by David Lodge on my discman in between when my eyes get a little tired from reading the paperback or fiddling on the computer.

When I lose interest in the books, as on occasion that might happen, I have been known to fire up a movie on my personal DVD player, which I think is the most decadent, most unnecessary toy I have bought in recent times, but I truly love it. I can indulge myself in movies that only I like and watch a rerun many times if I wish. Now the problem, oh yeah, there are problems with all this is that I have a wife who I truly love and deserves my undivided attention and she usually get's it, but I have to walk a tightrope between being a normal person or give in to my self indulgences and become a complete social introvert. I guess there are worse hobbies I could indulge in, but care must be taken I don't fall in head first and disappear in the electronic jungle.

Cowboys and all that stuff
Topic: cowboys and other dreams
I would guess that every boy and some girls born in the thirties went to the movies on Saturday morning and watched the cowboy movies, and in their moments of daydreaming wanted to be just like that guy on the screen. I was no different, of course I wanted to be a cowboy. I dreamt of filling my saddle bags with beans and whatever they ate and riding my horse kicking up dust, riding wherever we wanted to, not having to contend with traffic lights and all that kind of city stuff. I never thought at that time of having a cowgirl with me, but like the picture, a dog would do just fine. I used to like Gene Autry the best in the movies. I don't quite know why, because when I see an old movie of his now, he seems to be singing an awful lot and I'm quite sure I would have grown bored with that real quick. But whatever, he was my fav. My father in law also wanted to be a cowboy. He also wanted to be in the merchant marines, but he too grew up as do we all. Then those old dreams become gist of stories to tell our grandchildren or whomever we can get to listen to us.

Politics
Topic: Politics
To be a politician these days I think you would have to have the skin of a bull elephant and be forgiving as God. To have to run the mean, hateful, malicious gauntlet of a political campaign these days, with innuendos about your intelligence, your morals, and your honesty constantly being questioned would leave a normal man tattered and beaten and unsure of anything. But the chosen of the two major parties go on their daily mission, dragging their poor families along to smile, mouthing the party line, because shame on he or she that doesn't. Do not try to be independent of thoughts other than the parties. Because they know, having gotten to the pinnacle of their political life that to do so would mean finish. You must follow the Republican or Democratic line because you have no choice. The day of the maverick or independent politician is long over. Look at poor Ralph Nader, a good and honest man who has worked his entire life for the benefit of the citizens of the U.S. He has not the slightest chance in hell of making a dent in the vote count, and why he doesn't bail out is beyond me. I think even Ralph Nader is having an ego trip to the betterment of which major party candidate, time will tell.

Look at today's news about the well respected, by me also, John McCain, whose loyalties were questioned four years ago by his opponent for the nomination, and who has maintained a quasi-independent stance since, while remaining a good Republican gaining respect from millions of Americans, all of the sudden grabbing that same former opponent in a bear hug on a political stage looking like any other political sycophant. I am disappointed in him, but you can be assured that he too has his political price. My guess is the full party backing in his own run for President in four years.

I am an advocate of term limits, for the purpose of bringing back independence to our chosen representatives. Let them espouse original thoughts and not become a Charlie McCarthy to the heads of the committees who have been in the senate for thirty or forty years. Wouldn't it be nice to not have all the Republicans have to become ideologues like Rush Limbaugh or on the Democratic side, Ted Kennedys, but who might, just might represent the majority of us in the middle.
But have no fear it will not happen. In order to be elected you have to have the financial backing of one of the major parties or forget it. But wouldn't it be nice.

baseball and other games
Topic: baseball
Yes, it can get worse. Six straight loses. And my bud in Seattle is about to put the noose around my neck in our chess game. Oh well the weather is nice anyway, although it doesn't know it's August. It's really cool, not cool as in rad, but cool, as in brrrr.

baseball
Mood:  sad
Topic: baseball
My gosh, what the heck has happened to my beloved boys of summer? For those of you who don't know the phrase, 'boys of summer', was a term used for a book title some years ago by Roger Kahn referring to baseball players. My boys of summer are the Cleveland Indians and they were beginning to look like the surprise of the baseball year, when all of the sudden reality comes back to hit them right in the face. They ran into the Texas Rangers, not a great team, but one who obviously has the Indians number this year. They can do no wrong and the Indians can do no right when they meet. I think when they play again tomorrow it's only the Minnesotas followed by the Yankees. It can't get worse, can it?

cemetery visit
Topic: cemetery
Hazel and I made a cemetery visit today to do a little housekeeping in the children's section. Afterwords we were in no hurry to get home, so we decided to drive around a little and see if we could find some relatives to say hello to. On one sweep around we chanced upon a solitary old man sitting near a new grave. He was dressed neatly with a white ball hat and a white shirt. He was sitting facing a new grave, slumping over. As we watched from a distance, the slump became more exaggerated and we could watch no more. We left him alone to finish his visit. We both agreed, as we talked about it later, that the old man probably would not have to be alone too long before he would join her. It seems to work that way often, especially if the man is the survivor. Hazel and I have been together as kids and now old folks for over fifty years, and if I am the one left here alone, I am sure it would work that way for me. The loneliness I think would be unbearable for me. Hazel and I still talk to each other constantly every day and when the silence comes, if it comes that way for me, I would not want to stay long here alone. Hazel, I am sure, will be waiting to catch me up on all the news.